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After an average performance last week in the league, this week the Geese were drawn against Stevenage team MBDA Reserves in the County cup. The night before saw the Geese get down, get deeper and down at Sian’s 21st fancy dress birthday party, hosted by her and Adamo at their new crib. With an average of 4 hours of sleep per player the majority of Geese were tired and drunk. So eight new players were introduced. Whilst Enefer, Adamson and Musk kept their places, Mummy’s boy started in goal, Batman took left back, transvestite right back, with Adamson partnering a Rasta riding an emu to complete the back line. Mr. Michael Incredible Ian Rush Fezzed Jackson started right wing, whilst a groping granny and Alan Partridge joined Enefer and Musk in a five-man midfield. The new format saw the Pink Panther play up top alone.
After waiting twenty minutes for sleepy Dodd’s to rise from there shared bedroom bunk beds, and misguided Cully's, the Geese finally boarded the minibus and departed on their adventure. With Neil Dodd navigating in the front seat, after an array of roundabout rodeo we finally managed to find the venue, with a little help from a nun, a drunkard, but most importantly a friendly passer by. This weeks taxi was taken in the early hours of the morning went the caped crusader failed to unzip his costume in time, only to trickle batpiss down his nylon kecks.
As the Geese toppled out of the minibus straight into a MBDA filled changing room, eyes were weary and goalkeepers were snoozing, Rob Cully dreaming of Sharky and George the crime busters of the sea. But as rituals go, Baywatch had to be played, providing the usual reaction from the opposition when a changing room is shared. As the Geese stepped out, the away support was fantastic, more and more Geese merchandise in the shape of hats and scarves could be seen, pleasing Peter Enefer the initial provider of the slaughtered mutton. As the whistle blew the transformation from drunken yobbish rabble to organised football team was great to see, the Geese leaving the laughs in the dressing room and ready to compete in an honorable fashion.
Early on passing was crisp and fast, and off the ball players were sweating out the alcohol from the night before, closing down quickly not giving the opposition time on the ball. Early pressure paid off when a half cleared cross fell at the feet of Andy Perry who took a touch and half volleyed a deflected shot into the top corner to make it one nil. From the re-start MBDA came close with a well worked move, the chance just glancing wide of Rob Cully’s left post. Another move from a goal kick sailed over everyone, Tony Vullo brilliantly tracking back to tackle away for a corner. The set piece saw the ball be whipped into the box and nodded home for the equaliser. At one-a-piece the next goal was vital, so when the goalkeeper spilled a Craig Norris effort, brother Brett tapped home giving the Geese an important lead. Celebrations involved Paul Dodd, re-enacting test match cricket scenes. Nice Shane. Soon after Craig put Paul Dodd through with a pinpoint pass, Dodd rounding the keeper and finishing into an empty net. A neat spell of passing saw Perry take another long shot, this time Craig Norris taking advantage of a goalkeeping error, able to simply strike the ball past a grounded keeper. Three goals in short succession. At 4-1 the Geese looked good for their lead. Friendly banter was being shared between the two teams to the dislike of look-a-like referee Jason Statham, pulling up a few players to calm them down. To make matters worse a not-given offside, saw the MBDA keeper put the ball down to take a free kick way out of his area, the referee didn’t blow so Craig Norris stole the ball and slotted home cheekily. The opposition weren’t happy but were told Norris was okay to Snatch the ball and Transporter into the empty net.
5-1 at half time. Paul Cully’s jetlag meant that he was absent for the second week running, Neal Dodd having to give the his captains talk again. The talk was positive like last week but this week the players knew that they couldn’t let themselves down, and dwell on a superficial lead. In the last two weeks especially, there has been further evidence that captain Neal Dodd is a role model to many people in all aspects of life. Guinness guzzler Ricky Chittendon, (tipped to be the official Turnford Geese Mascot), without his Gareth Hale tash supped his fourth pint, all was well for the tomato eating celebrity and the rest of the Geese army. The second half started at a much lower tempo, the game being broken up by clearances leaving the field and longer passes not finding their targets. One early chance saw Paul Dodd skip past an indecisive left back and challenge the keeper. As the ball slightly overrun, a contested fifty-fifty ball injured the MBDA keeper, however Dodd managed to carry on. Paul Belsey took the linesman’s flag but shunned the foldaway chair accessory that made his self-titled action figure sell so well in Japan.
Tired legs, painted fingernails and threats to be sick, forced changes. Brett Norris and Ad Cas (more worried about Shaolin monks, breeze blocks and comfortable seats) were replaced by long-throw expert Matt Cully (aka Robin) and fit-again Chris Cedrone (aka an Arabian gentleman). Fresh legs proved the difference, not long after their introduction a Matt Cully cross was flicked on by Andy Perry towards Peter Enefer, a defender shanking a looped clearance into his own net off the upright. At this stage Bradley Hewitt was introduced replacing Tony Vullo at left back. The biggest celebration of the half came at 6-1, when the Geese conceded a corner kick. The corner summed up the Goose spirit of today’s game; the ball being scrambled away at both posts and then eventually shot wide, retaining a well earned lead intact. The passage of play saw four or five players jumping in front of their king to save their country. Before the game finished, passing became brisk again, the ball moving from right to left from player to player, the focus being repaired by the previous corner incident. A powerful ball from Matt Cully to Paul Dodd saw him take a great touch and literally bang in a thunderbolt past the now makeshift goalkeeper. A touch of class to round off today’s performance.
Video link via Bradley Hewitt’s PSP allowed (for the second week) manager Paul Cully to watch the game in the comfort of his own home, whilst instructing playing staff with tactical changes he wishes to make. He spoke to Pino Packer
“I do love the cup football, it gives the minnows a chance against the big guns. Today we made our opposition adapt to the way we play football, the pressing off the ball was superb, a brilliant performance. Paul Dodd played well up on his own, and the midfield three paid off, something we have been trying to get right for a while. All credit to MBDA though, the game was played in the right spirit on and off the pitch, I wish them our season’s greetings. Yes its got a sweet taste to it, pure is that, this honey here is fresh from me mates hive, proper beehive, that Winnie the pooh fella ain’t gonna taste none of this, this mine all mine, I’m the Queen bee, it’s honey you see.”
Ratings - R Cully 7, A Castiglione 7 (Cedrone 7), T Vullo 7 (B Hewitt 7), N Dodd 8, S Adamson 9, J Musk 8, C Norris 8, A Perry 9, P Enefer 8, B Norris 7 (M Cully 8), P Dodd 8. Subs not used - D Perry, C Belsey
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