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Craig Belsey has been fined two weeks wages for going against the clubs desires by maintaining his close friendship with millionaire chav Michael Carroll. Turnford Geese football club respect the private lives of players, but in this instance thought it was necessary to intervene. The pair were thought to have been racing on the backs of pigs and competing in a 24-hour destruction derby on land surrounding Carroll’s £350,000 Norfolk mansion. Police were flooded with complaints from nearby neighbours regarding noise levels and anti-social behavior of which the club do not wish to be associated with. When local press asked the butcher to comment on his club fine he explained
“They’ve got it all wrong, I was helping him out you see, me and Mickey go back a long way and we were shooting a new video for our Christmas single - Blingle bells (snow up your nose). I’ll take the fine if the club think its necessary, but I’m gonna earn more than that in record sales come Christmas.”

This week, The Geese eagerly await their home debut in the Herts Junior Cup, with a 3rd round tie against Skew Bridge (Rothamsted) A. The two clubs surprisingly have a tenuous link to each other, with Skew Bridge 1st team coach David Crossman, being the son of a long term friend of Neal (note the spelling!) and Paul's father Graham.
As a player, David was not best known for his creativity, unless that included the re-arrangement of opponents' shin pads and Graham recently inspected his coaching ability, when watching Skew Bridge 1st team in the FA Sunday Cup. In a game they lost, there were two controversial refereeing decisions, both which went against Skew Bridge and David was seen to throw his head in his hands in the dugout, but sadly missed.
It is understood that David will not be taking up the Dodd family invitation to watch the game from their reserved plot at Goffs Lane, but it is believed that this is something more to do with having to buy a beer after the game, which has become a rare event in recent years, as Skew Bridge players will probably confirm.
Like the Geese, Skew Bridge A have only been formed this season and whilst it would be true to say that they are not currently setting Divison 4 of the Observer Sunday League alight and have been knocked out of the Junior Cup, they did beat White Horse 3-0 in the last round of this Cup, having like the Geese, received a bye in the first round. It should be noted by Geese players what White Horse are currently above MBDA Reserves in Division 3 of the Comet Stevenage League, so should not be taken lightly.
Following the last round, when the majority of Geese players failed a breathalyser after the game due to the Fancy Dress Party the night before, this week's bonding sessions have unsurprisingly been brought forward. After a trip to Walthamstow Dogs on Tuesday, when coach Paul Cully hopes some of his forward players will learn to "bend their runs" to avoid offsides, most of the players will visit White Hart Lane on Friday evening to watch England Under 21's, with regular visitors to the Lane hoping they will see more football than usual from the team in white!
Paul Cully will also undoubtedly take advantage of Wednesday's training session at the school, the inspiration for the Geese's formation, to remind players of the need to ensure their bodies are in peak condition for Sunday's massive game. After setting the standard for the players in the Maltsters Arms on Friday night, Paul is confident that the squad will heed his words and feels certain that none of them will be in bed before midnight.
The Geese look forward to welcoming their visitors to the lush, vast expanses of Goffs Lane on Sunday and wish their opponents every success for the season, after Sunday!

Turnford Geese winger Ashley Willicombe has joined Portmore United of the Jamaican Premier League on loan for three months. Portmore United are pushing for a successful end to the season and decided Willicombe would help be the perfect boost for the club.

Willicombe has only made one appearance for the Geese this season and feels that he will gain valuable experience going on loan. Turnford Geese Director of Football, Tony Perry, has stated “The deal can be cancelled at any time if we need to bring Willicombe back to Goffs Lane. Ashley Willicombe is not for sale though, he is part of the future here, unless we get an offer we can’t refuse”.

The club are delighted to announce that striker Simon Hoy has been added to the squad, joining on a free transfer after becoming a free agent in the summer. Hoy met with club director Tony Perry late Wednesday evening where the 23 year old put pen to paper in a lucrative three-year deal. Personal terms were agreed and Hoy becomes the second addition to the squad since September, the first being midfield maestro Peter Enefer.

The director met with reporter Pino Packer and gave the following statement:

"Much speculation has surrounded Turnford Geese football club since the transfer window re-opened in January. We have approached a few clubs