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The Geese were once again playing away from Fortress Wormley, as they made the trip to the middle of nowhere to face Northaw, in the first round of the Roy Bailey Challenge Cup. However Turnford would have to do it without The Beard himself, who was turning water into wine in Cyprus. Other absentees were Craig Norris, who was preparing for a half marathon (apparently he would turn up too late to do the first half!) and Richard Bates not wanting to get involved after a recent nose job.

Not knowing what to expect, the Geese were soon taken aback by the quality of the facilities at The Old Owens sports ground. So much so that a lap of the changing rooms commenced, in sheep-like fashion. As desperation to change into the ‘old’ kit grew, the ref soon came to our aid by banging on the door! Once inside there was still the problem of getting into our designated changing room due to the security door. Enter Paul Simpson, (no he didn’t punch his way through it) he cleverly went and obtained the code! While changing into the damp kit it was soon established that Simon Hoy, on washing duties the week before, had taken the liberty of cleaning the kit in the River Lea that very morning. These thoughts were seconded by Phil who had arrived at the usual meet time of 10.05 with Lee.

As The Geese took to the pitch for the usual hardcore warm up, Paul Simpson took on the responsibility of urinating close to the cricket square. Perry and Enefer (Backs ‘R’ Us) decided that the pre-match preparation needed to spill over onto the monkey bars. A few balls smashed towards Rob Dodd later and the Geese were ready to kick off.

After Neal won his fourth straight toss, the game itself started slowly for both teams with the only incident of note was some handbag swinging between Cavill and their number 14. The Geese took the lead when a devastated Dave Armstrong was fouled just outside the box while on a typical jinking run. After much jargon from the ref it was left to Enefer to curl the free kick in the top corner. However it was his joke about the ref looking like Rodney Marsh just before that caused the cheeky smile in the celebration.

The Geese then took control, with the next notable chance being a Neal Dodd header creeping just wide after a Matt cully power launch. That wasn’t the only header which could have increased Dodd’s tally, only a clearance of the line denied him a 3rd of the season. Sandwiched between these two chances, Northaw had their only real chance of the half, a cross eluding everyone other than the cross bar! This shook the Geese back into life as Andy Perry, fuelled by Sarah’s pasta & peas, looked to be hard done by when his drive appeared to strike a Northaw arm in the penalty box. However the 2nd goal wasn’t long in coming, A cully lob was met at great height by the seagull Armstrong who’s powerful header gave the keeper no chance.

Half time refreshments were at there usual high standard as the Perry’s ensured that the oranges were kept cool by putting an ice pack in the box. As impressed as Dave Enefer was with this, he opted to finish the jaffa cakes. Manager Tony managed to establish that none of us had knocks and then that we all did, which helped him with potential subs! His team talk called for a more passing, easy game.

Whatever was said at the break done the trick, as The Geese came out of the traps quickly (this despite Enefer and hoy dogs organised centre kick!) with Ellerbeck having two chances to extend the lead. The first a header trickling agonisingly wide after a delicious Cully cross, and the second a difficult left foot strike which went over the bar. Relaxation crept into the Goose performance when a Chris Wicks attempt at a Robinho style back heel, at right back, caused an issue and it was two one. Manager Tony then had a wee tinker and Simpson and Baker replaced Hoy and Ellerbeck.

Whenever the Geese are in the most need, a man seems to fly higher than the rest. Enter the seagull again who helped himself to his second of the match after some generosity from the opposing keeper who couldn’t handle Phil’s corner. With the two goal advantage restored it all got too much for two opposing Northaw players whose disagreements almost lead to fisty cuffs. They soon calmed down when Vullo came on and gave them both two kisses. He replaced the solid Cavill who needed a rest after injuring himself during an intense drive down. The Geese lead was extended when Simpson fired across the keeper for his ‘3rd’ of the season and nobody was going to argue that friendly goals do no count! This was after the ball bounced conveniently off of Enefer, turning out to be his best pass of the match! The Geese were not finished there, least wixo wasn’t. His ‘thunderous’ free kick from 30 plus yards managed to elude the keeper and find its way into the net despite him getting a rather big touch on it! Even Northaw players were asking Tony Ced to email the video evidence over to them! None the less this was not going to stop Chris calling his nearest and dearest 20 seconds after the full time whistle. In fact the time of the whistle blowing had been guessed by a Northaw forward who had already made his way to the sideline.

A solid performance from The Geese who’s cup form is proving to be somewhat better than the league. Hopefully this will improve in next weeks game against Broxbourne Rangers Old Boys, we also hope that despite Mrs Enefer’s flair for washing kits, the new attire will be ready for Sunday.

The Geese’s first home match of the season was…away. It took place at Grundy Park, due to Mrs Allcock playing extreme dodge ball with half of Hertfordshire over Wormley playing fields. Today, the Geese would get a chance to improve on their recent form in 08/09 and also in their County Cup form from over the last few years. The first leg of the County Cup, the Geese’s least favourite round, provided a home draw against Watford opposition Hammer Reserves FC.

At 9.45am, the meet time, plumber Dave Armstrong was rudely called away from the Geese’s pre match antics, by a damsel in distress with a leaky tap, she dialled 0800 ARMSTRONG (No Fix – No Fee). Although a quick fix was in store, by putting a cork up the tap until his return after the game. Turning up slightly late was Matthew Cully, tired from his newly founded, Rob Cully airport taxi service, along with his business partner Martin “Fraggle Rock” Belsey.

As the geese were assembled, waiting for Hammer to arrive, a mass gathering evolved around Graham Wicks’s football nest. It was time for the yearly tradition of him laying two brand spanking new match balls. All the hay, UV lighting and after birth care was generously paid for by Graham Dodd and The Letterbox Consultancy. The two Nike ball’s were born healthily and proud father Graham declared them ready to use in hardcore County Cup action. Attentions soon turned to the stranger that had wondered into the Goose camp. With a hot chocolate in one hand, and a hot dog in the other, an unrecognisable Dave Perry turned up to cheer on his favourite Sunday League team, fresh from a stay in a Tunisian Tan Factory.

The team welcomed back Paul Simpson after his appeal was successful. Batsey & Phil also returned to action, with Rob Cully, Craig Norris, G. Vullo and the Beard all missing. Turnford were also lifted with the return of Ced & Perry, one of them to the hamster cage and the other to the pitch, after recovering from a problematic dog-back. However, Perry would only return to the pitch under two strict conditions, 1) that he could smell the leather of the new footballs through his Hasselbaink nose and 2) that the pitch would be ridded of all the unsafe brick-like rocks that were scattered across the pitch like debris from a Cheshunt-bound meteorite.

In addition to his Tweenies boot bag, Neal Dodd had a new item amongst his kit. The controversial unveiling of his new Adidas super geese coloured boots, embroidered with the word “GEESE” on each tongue, emphasised what a difficult decision he had to make when the boots were ordered by his girfriend. “Do I say no to Fran and have to face the wrath of an angry Welsh girlfriend or get kicked in the air every time I wear them on the football pitch?” We all agreed he had made the right decision. With no opposition 15 minutes before kick off it was quite clear that ‘Hammer Time’ was not their forte! The pitch was now in a playable condition after Goose Groundsman Dave Enefer cleared the pitch of rocks for Mr Perry, after the recent Grundy Park Adolescent Hoody Caveman competition.

With both teams now ready the captains were summoned for the toss. It has been suggested that Neals pre-season training involved himself and Rob Dodd sitting a room for hours on end flipping a coin and guessing heads or tails. This extensive training has paid off with Neal winning the third toss in a row! With the match underway the Geese started brightly applying pressure to Hammer FC’s defence through long balls and pressure down the wings. Hammer looked nervous, and the pressure soon paid off with a mazy run from Hoy bamboozling the defence and then neatly finishing to put the geese one up. Tony Cedrone’s instructions to keep applying the pressure were heeded and a thunderous strike from Richard Bates hit the keeper, hit the post and then trickled in.

After going two up the geese were punished for a lapse in concentration and conceded a goal from a swift Hammer move. A move akin to the animation of Dan Jordans nose demolition. The game now became more even with both teams trying to stamp their authority on the game, but despite Hammer attempts to claw their way back into the game, the Geese struck a blow to their chances with a third goal. Captain Neal Dodd made a darting run, from an in-swinging corner, tripping up his new laces and heading the ball in with his ear.

The continued pressure resulted in 4 penalty appeals from the geese, with Hammer finally conceding one. Dave Armstrong then stepped up confidently, considering this was his first ever penalty kick, brushed any lose feathers off of his seagull boots and then……. missed. Not letting this faze him he then ran up for the rebound and …….. missed.

The second half saw much of the same from the first, with the Geese controlling the game and having much of the possession. At this point, the Hammer keeper had made up for some shoddy keeping with some great saves, however, inconsistency crept back into his life. The Geese’s fourth goal was claimed by Simon Hoy, after closing down the temperamental Hammer keeper and forcing him into a mistake. Hoy managed to block the keeper’s clearance, resulting in the ball firing back past him, into the net. This spurred the Hammer outfield to frown upon their useless tool between the posts. With two goals, Hoy joined Captain Neal at the top of the goal scoring leader board. To cap off a well earned, well needed victory, towards the end of the game, a darting run into the box from Matt Cully saw a bullet shot past the near post of the blushful keeper to make it 5-1.

It was a mixed bag of feelings at the end of the match with the Geese recording their first win of the season. No parking fines were found amongst the Geese transport, to the distress of the Greedy Grundy Wardens. The added tax of paying for parking couldn’t even compensate for the less than average showers, their cold feel and poor shower gel selection. The Geese are now through to the Intermediate County Cup second round, and will face St. Albans based Black Berry Jack FC away on the 19th October.