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After a 5-1 victory in the first round of the Intermediate Sunday County Cup against Hammer Reserves, the Geese were drawn away against St.Albans opposition, Black Berry Jack FC in the second round. With confidence high, the lingering talk of Paul Dodd’s absence had been quietened. The Geese had knocked in 14 goals in their previous three games, and were on a run of three straight victories.

In spite of a little confusion regarding what road to approach the unknown away pitch, and then trying to find a parking space amongst Vision FC’s rides, in an overcrowded car park, the Geese arrived on time. As the geese walked past another match that was about to take place, and witnessed their players changing on a street pavement, not much hope was given to the quality of the forthcoming facilities. The morning mist could do nothing to hide its graphitied exterior and shack like appearance. The Geese would have to get changed in a small corner of a building that looked more like a urban chicken shed than a men’s changing rooms, and an on-time Ellerbeck provided the right smell for that illusion.

Thankfully the Geese had managed to refrain from any recent player injuries. Paul Simpson was intent on keeping it this way, personally rubbing in his home-brew deep heat treatment for his team-mates. Today’s game marked a new era for the Geese, it would be the first game in our full new kit. Aesthetics were apparently important to the fans…our fans. Although today, according to Tony Perry, the first sight of Black Berry Jack warming up made him shiver with fear as they seemed to “look like a good team”, a conclusion that his hairier son discarded as utter illogical nonsense. Some sad news had been delivered to the Geese as they warmed up. Rumours were confirmed that mascot Rory had been lost during our last game two weeks prior. We hope that where ever Rory is now, he is safe and that he knows we are thankful for his support in the last three seasons. Rory will live within our hearts for an eternity. http://ca.myspace.com/131288036

Manager Paul Cully decided to start with only one change from last week’s line-up, with Paul Simpson starting up front in place of Hoy. Phil Baker was back into the squad after being unavailable last week. However Paul Cavill was missing, fortunately not in the permanent sense like Rory. The Geese started the game in a lazy fashion. The week off between games had affected the sharpness of our game, coupled with the effect of having an enormous pitch to play on. Silly errors and sloppy passing were being made by players throughout the team, but thankfully not giving away any good chances to Blackberry Jack. Turnford’s passing was unlike the short and quick passing of recent games, and we opted for a long ball, to Paul Cully’s frustration.

Despite the poor start, the Geese managed to get forward and win a few corners. Our third corner was headed in by expertly at the front post by The Seagull, David Armstrong, notching his fourth goal of the season and putting him past Captain Neal in the leader board. One nil up and the Geese had rode a poor patch and taken a good chance. Not too long after big Wicks hit the bar with a loopy header, causing a trademark “Oooohhh” from the real butcher Tony Perry. After the referee gave a very dubious decision in favour of Blackberry Jack, Peter Enefer could not help but open his referee tainted mouth. His words gave him another yellow card for dissent and another Hertfordshire FA fine. He claimed that was only poking fun at the porky Jack defender’s gold boots. How many more bookings will Peter accrue this season? The Geese picked themselves up following this matter. Cedrone claimed the ball out on the left flank and started a run down the left wing, only to be wiped out by a late tackle from the Blackberry right-back. Cedrone wasn’t happy that a yellow card wasn’t issued, in fact Cedrone wasn’t happy with any of the abundance of fouls he was receiving today.

The Geese went in leading at half-time. The Turnford Geese management weren’t happy with the amount of shouting towards the referee, whether he deserved it not. This point was accepted by all. Things were shuffled around as golden Hoy was substituted on for Tony Ting Tings Vullo…(that’s not his name). In contrast to the first half, the Geese started the second half well and real Geese football was flowing from our limbs. Many chances were being made for the top two, Ellerbeck and Simpson. Paul Simpson, who was working like a dog to get the ball, had shots from every angle, but unluckily not hitting the target, one of these chances he made himself by dribbling half the length of the pitch. Ellerbeck also couldn’t convert, pounding a shot over the bar. The Geese looked in control, and Blackberry Jack had hardly any chances at all and were being beaten to the ball all over the pitch. In the 70th minute, the Geese finally found the 2nd goal they were searching for. Simon Hoy made a run from the left flank and got into the box, he fired his gun, but his bullet deflected of the metal of the upright, through the keeper’s legs, a scramble was enticed, but poucher-beck Lee side-footed it home to put Turnford two nil up.

Blackberry Jack were getting frustrated, resulting in fouls being given all over pitch, for late tackles and needless pushing. Ced’s fouls suffered Opta stats were through roof. The last twenty minutes the Geese opted for channel football, to try and slow the game down, although for some reason free kicks were being taken quickly and being wasted. The nippy Blackberry forward managed to get away down the left wing, he found himself with a large presence in his path, and it was Wicks. Wicks’ giant frame caused the forward to go down, and the referee controversially and inconsistently deemed this to be a bookable offence, even though a more cynical foul took place in the identical position against a goose in the first half. Wicks then found himself at the centre of some tension with the Blackberry Jack striker, who proceeded to sing Wicks a beautifully crafted song that really flaunted the dimensions of his mind. Sitting on a yellow card, Wicks decided not to react, and laughed at his opposing striker, like the rest of the Geese.

In the last ten minutes the Geese were cruising home, until the referee thought he saw a foul down the Blackberry right wing, the Geese weren’t sure what he saw, but a foul was given, and the Geese tried to keep their lips tight. The resulting free kick was delivered into a dangerous area within the goose box. Two Jack players were striving to get the ball, but it was ok, because our bearded treasurer got there on their behalf. The ball landed, flicked off Armstrong and Matt Cully struck the ball sweetly, past a sour Rob Dodd, to claim an own goal, a taxi home and month-full of abuse. The remaining minutes became tense as Blackberry Jack believed they could force extra-time, pushing players forward, including the Goalkeeper for a corner. The Geese hung on and claimed a well earned away victory in the county cup, putting them into the third round, equalling the furthest they have ever got in county action. The third round will be played at home against H.T.S Barleycorn on the 16th November. Four straight wins and the Geese fans were starting to forgive the two defeats at the start of the season. Unfortunately David Armstrong will never forgive Blackberry Jack though. This being for not providing a shower facility in the urban chicken shed, meaning his plumbing services became a dirty trade for a nearby job after the game.

After two cup wins, a rejuvenated Turnford Geese flocked to Pound Close, Hoddesdon, for their third league encounter of the season. With the league table representing something of a Juande Ramos special, the players felt it was high time to take some points and give the ever faithful fans something to cheer about other than Tony Perry’s meat market murder mysteries.

The Beard was welcomed back from his autumn scouting trip to Cyprus; his well timed excursion had meant that he could be back in place for this crucial encounter, and he duly rewarded his assistant, Tony ‘the man who can do anything’ Cedrone with a break of his own following the double 5-1 wins. Sadly there were no returns for long distance runner Craig, long distance located Tony Wright, long shot specialist Batesey and long jumper Gennaro, who were joined on the absentee list by the Cav man and Phil – who was bravely extinguishing a fire in the Tesco yoghurt factory. To aid in their quest for three points, the Geese broke out a brand new claret, orange and white kit and took to the field. Fresh from breaking the record for the number of players to get changed in a cereal box, they ran past the temporary Hoddesdon fairground that was located next to the pitch and glistened as they warmed up. Sadly, the merry go round of emotions experienced by the Geese continued, as news surfaced that the opposition’s orange kit constituted a colour clash, and it was only the quick thinking of Tony ‘jab, jab, hook’ Vullo that saved the day – providing blue shirts for the entire team.

As the warm up continued, local boy Pete ‘energy in a can’ Enefer staggered across to the pitch. Having had a couple of shandys at the bingo the previous night, he was feeling worse than a lonely hamster. However, given the opportunity for photography lessons he took part in the ‘life’ session, somehow persuading 22 grown men to pose for him on the other pitch. With Pete back on the right pitch, and Perry ready for action after a heroic dash to deliver his shin pads by Dave ‘Stephen Ireland’ Perry, The Beard was able to give his team talk and selection before sending out the team into battle. With just the one change – Vullo coming into replace Cavill – the Geese looked to start as they had finished the previous week.

Skipper Dodd celebrated his fifth toss win on the bounce, as the ‘heads’ call came through, Neal wondered ‘what are the chances of that’? There was no Belsey to answer him. Straight from the Geese kick off, a neat passing move involving Dodd, Cedrone, Enefer, Cully and Ellerbeck sent out a message of intent and it wasn’t long before the away side were celebrating a reward for their pacy start. After some more slick passing and excellent pressing by the front two of Hoy and Ellers, the Geese won territory with a free kick deep in the opposition’s half as Cedrone was fouled. Enefer took the kick and placed the ball in a teasing area six yards from goal, the seagull Armstrong (no fix, no fee) duly taking advantage and smashing home with a header that hit the inside of the post and went in. His wings flapped in celebration as he poked his beak ahead in the race for the golden boot.

Barely five minutes had passed before more slick passing and heavy pressing brought about a second free kick, this time in our own half. As Wixo placed a delightful free kick forward it was nodded into the centre by Matt towards Cedrone, who had it all to do. As the ball came towards him he didn’t think twice and planted a gem of a right footed curling drive beyond the despairing keeper and into the top right corner from 25 yards. The keeper appreciated the quality, as did the Geese and their fans, but celebrations were banned by an angry Cedrone – already contemplating how this monstrous strike could be re-enacted on the DVD owing to the absence of his cameraman father.

At two nil up the rain drops became so heavy and frequent that no player had a chance to dodgem, and with them came the inevitable dip in passing play. As Broxbourne found some joy with their channel football, the Geese were forced to defend a number of ‘long throws’, although Matt ‘Rory Delap’ Cully sniggered, knowing that he could throw a fairground caravan further, let alone a football. Still, the repeated throws caused a few scares, and while Wixo was competing with the balding Broxbourne midfielder as to who could match Ced’s angry goal celebration, it was left to Vullo to clear from cut back across the penalty – danger averted. As Broxbourne continued to show glimpses of attacking prowess through their pacy centre forward, Vullo took matters into his own hands again and sent the attacker sprawling with a tommy toe punt to the boot, no need for ball contact. We were glad to see penalty shouts waved away – great decision. The Geese regained their composure and found chances aplenty through a series of set pieces – Dave’s glancing header the closest. The Geese had now got to grips with the wet surface, Perry hynotising his hamster friend Ced to believe that the game was being played indoors at the Waltham Abbey Chewing Gum Championships, no sliding tackles meant no nasty grazes.

Half time came and The Beard brought his new assistant Paul Simpson into the huddle for a rousing team talk; silence was ordered and silence he got. As the second half started the Geese looked sluggish and invited some early efforts by the Broxbourne side, sub and change of formation included. After some mazy runs from our favourite Hoydog had taken its toll on his tender knee, Paul Simpson was brought into the action as a replacement; he continued the half time gee up that he noticed we all needed. The fire in his belly warmed the Geese player’s hearts, and scared the living crap out of the opposition. With a renewed vigor and with a front line of Paul and Ellers that had clearly had its Weetabix, the Geese were pressing forward at every available opportunity; aided by some good hold up play. After a dull period of play, Matt got a chance to show his opposite number how to throw a ball properly and duly sent a jet propelled missile into the opposition penalty area. Underneath it was Neal who used all of his long face to direct the ball goalwards. More top right hand corner fun and the Geese were sitting pretty at 3 nil to the good.

With this the Geese regained full control, bossed by Perry and Enefer with constant running from the wide four, it was only a matter of time before an attack put the game to bed. Sure enough, after Wixo had disguised his free kick by scuffing it to Ced, who in turn disguised his pass by scuffing it to Paul, the vocal assassin laid it on a plate for a grateful and hungry Matt Cully – who smashed home for the fourth. Despite a Vullo power run and shot and a similarly good effort from Cedrone, the Geese were not to trouble the top right hand corner again.

Instead, emphasis was place on defence and as Broxbourne threw caution to the wind, Rob Dodd was called into action for a solid save towards the end. This was certainly no time for anyone to be shouting obscenities, throwing their toys out their pram and screaming for their mummy; the Geese did well. The pitch became sodden and the game deteriorated to a long ball fest for 5 minutes before time was eventually called.

The celebrations were short lived as it was noted that there were no showers available for a team lather session – instead the gaggle were forced to get naked in the rain along with the local fairground staff. DP Hotdog, linesman in a bobble hat, received a Goldfish for his efforts on the sodden line. Dave also showed off his new “Paul Simpson” Tattoo, alongside his “Dave Armstrong” tat on the opposite arm, and his intent in purchasing a replica of the new Geese kit. Another four goal victory and this time with a clean sheet added into the mix, although at the expense of some now un-clean, new white shorts – everyone was happy to get the league campaign off and running. Encouraging signs of fitness returning and goals continuing to be spread about have the left the Geese happy as they go into their international break.