reports0809d

The Geese went into this game full of confidence after a great run of results that had seen them rise to the summit of the Mercury Waltham division one league. It was time to turn to cup duties this Sunday against a team they knew nothing about. The Geese did however welcome back the best ‘tosser’ winner at the club in form of skipper Neal Dodd but were missing the services of Cavill who never recovered from driving to training the previous Wednesday. Andy lumbar vertebrae Perry was half fit whilst rumours were escalating around the camp that Richard Bates may be making a rare appearance. The car park was a worrying place for the Geese prior to kick off having noticed the opposition arriving early, thus surely meaning business. However meaning business soon crossed everyone’s mind again when Paul Simpson arrived in a vehicle suitable for a member of The A Team. It was also car matters that upset Dave Enefer, after noticing Tony Cedrone’s slick new wheels, which now ultimately means he owns the oldest car in the geese fleet. As the lads progressed to the changing room it was soon clear that the Hoy dog was struggling after drinking to much gin and tonic with Dale Winton the night before.

After Wicks tried to convince everyone he scored for Bates’s team the day before the Geese headed for a warm up. To a surprise they learned that the Barley boys were getting a feel of the carpet turf at Wormley a good 15 mins before themselves. The usual warm up commenced, some light jogging followed by smashing balls at Rob Dodd. Paul Cully restored order by numbering everyone up for a passing drill. A problem arose when Enefer neglected to tell anyone his number despite some outrageous yelling in his direction. The referee was also running late but in fairness it turned out it wasn’t essential he turned up on time. Some changes to the line up were applied with Ced filling in at left back and Phil playing in his favoured central midfield role.

As the game was ready to kick off Neal done his usual good job of winning the toss and opted to stick. So with a Barley kick off battle commenced. Never have the Geese managed to create so many chances without really getting going. Only some last ditch defending stopped Ellerbeck putting us in front on more than one occasion and only the bar denied Wicks a goal from Hoys corner. Unfortunately moments later Hoy had to go off with a bang on the dodgy knee. Perhaps even more unfortunately Vullo came on sporting some suspect black pizza leg warmers with the white shorts. Apparently it’s the way ‘Mamma’ wears leg warmers.

The Geese finally got the goal there pressure warranted when Cedrone made something from a shocking hospital pass from Enefer winning a free kick on the edge of the area that looked suspiciously like a penalty. This resulted in a booking for the Barley defender. Enefer made up for the bad pass and forthcoming bruise on Ced’s leg (after an inspirational talk from Tony ced while nursing his son) and managed to get the free kick over the wall into the top corner 1-0. Another free-kick goal for West Ham fan Enefer. More Geese pressure resumed when Chris C almost reached a delightful cross from Armstrong. It was in fact the Seagull who soon increased the Turnford lead. His header from close range came from a typical Matt ‘Delap’ Cully throw, 2-0. The Geese owe all thanks to Dave’s girlfriend, Hayley, who taught him how to header a football. Dave’s celebratory feminine dance afterwards was surely for her benefit. Dave wasn’t the only defender having fun, Capitano Neal was playing a game with himself to see how far he could get his first touch out of his feet and still making it to the ball. After four or five players, six or seven times this challenge fizzled out.

Things were very much on course until a mad ten minute spell put the game’s direction in doubt for the Geese. First Paul Simpson limped off with old age meaning a half fit Perry had to come on and only a superb save from Rob Dodd (who knows how Paul feels!) stopped Barley from pulling a goal back. Rob came out quickly to parry a good shot on to the cross bar for a corner. However from the resulting corner all his hard work was undone when Enefer failed miserably in the basics of marking lost his man who took advantage of the freeness to head home. The goal came at a bad time for the Geese who now had to head into the break at 2-1.

After some inspirational words from the Beard and a re-shuffle the boys prepared for the second period. Baker moved to the left side of midfield, Ced came into central midfield and Perry was pushed up to an unfamiliar striking role in an attempt to protect his fragile spine from the midfield tussle.

The Geese began to take control again and good possession limited Barley to long balls and limited chances. It seemed Armstrong was chasing a place in the Barley side for next Sunday after two clearances over his head towards his own goal! Not long after Perry was finally relieved of striking duties was replaced by Bates, with Paul Cully clearly grateful for the commitment from young Perry who gave his all to the cause, despite his ongoing injury. The third goal actually came from Richard’s throw, the ball was cleared to the edge of the area where Enefer was waiting to greedily smash home his second of the game 3-1.

Barley needed to change something to halt the Geese charge, perhaps the sub warming up holding an umbrella and smoking a fag held the key. His arrival was soon followed by Neal and Chris W’s usual cup game shout outs of “lets get the goal difference up” and “3 points today lads” strangely no opposing player felt the need to bite. It seemed that the next ten minutes involved only Richard Bates, who bites with his gumshield on every occasion. First his attempted chip was tipped onto the bar by the keeper, then his Robinho style ‘pass’ somehow managed to open up acres of space for him! The fourth goal was not long in coming and Bates was the scorer. A dizzy Ced will claim an assist via his face however this did mean he missed Rich getting to the ball before the keeper to poke home from a tight angle. Shortly afterwards Enefer chasing a hat trick actually ran into the area only to slice a glorious chance wide from six yards. Chances were now becoming more regular and it was Cedrone who came the closest to scoring when his impressive drive was tipped over by the Barley keeper. Chris made his feelings clear to the stopper yelling f**k you in his direction, prompting a squeak laugh from his bearded friend on the touchline. The fifth goal was not long in coming. The dangerous Ellerbeck, who cannot stop scoring of late, was fouled in the box and after missing his last penalty insisted on despatching this one (much to the annoyance of still chasing a hat trick Pete). 5-1 the Geese were cruising in the rain that Graham Dodd claims is “The rain that gets you wet”. There was still time for one more Geese chance. A tank of a run from the impressive Meatball fuelled Vullo, included a one two with Bates and a pin point cross which found Phil without his shooting boots on.

The full time whistle blew and the Geese incurred their eight successive win and made history by going further than they ever had in a county competition before. The lads really dug deep and can go into the game against Abbey youth Old boys absolutely buzzing. The team were treated to Fran’s home made Carrot Cake to raise the Geese’s energy levels and celebrate their efforts. Three more wins are required to beat the 10 game winning run record set by the Geese and with two very hard games coming up, the Geese will have to carry on with same hard-working mentality.

Fresh from their unique 11 man win the week before, the Geese came back home this week – preparing to face last season’s Division 2 winners Great Eastern FC at Wormely playing fields. Having played our previous two games against this decent passing side on two mud bogs without some key players, the Geese were in familiar territory – the pitch (wetter than Paul Simpson’s undergarments) deemed fit to play despite resembling quick sand and a missing player list including Andy ‘deep massage’ Perry, Paul ‘go on, stamp on me’ Cavill and Neal ‘groin rub’ Dodd meant that a scratch XI was pulled together for the second consecutive week. The Geese were also missing Richard ‘Gummi Bear’ Bates who complained of the type of stiffness that needed more than just a rub.

As the warm up commenced, the Geese fans were treated to a real life [white] bear urinating by a tree – Sera Perry took the chance to sell refreshments to a clearly delighted crowd, willing on the follow through. With the crowd entertained, the Geese were doing their part for Cheshunt-Hertford relations, offering their help to an opposition with no balls. However it may take more than the loan of some warm up balls to be in with a shout of winning the Henry Tilly Sportsmanship award and accompanying kit – Matt Cully contributing with an own goal might be just the ticket.

With Neal failing a fitness test consisting of getting changed, the Beard handed the ‘respec’ armband to a deserving Paul Simpson – the boxer turned centre forward rewarded for his recent motivational speeches/threats on top of some great footballing displays. He duly reversed Neal’s trend of three losing tosses with a choice of ‘tails never fails’ and chose to face the wind and slope in the first half – what were the chances of that?

The game kicked off on time, Phil moved to left back and Vullo to right back to account for the Seagull’s move inside to centre half. Ced returned to a midfield pairing with Pete ‘the runner’ Enefer with Simon restored to left wing – Matt retaining his place at right wing along with Paul and a hairy ‘afro-Lee’ up front. Rob Dodd completed the line up in goal, 3 inches below the outfield players at the bottom of a goalmouth pond. Great Eastern had chosen to field their 11th man as linesman rather than on the pitch, and it was this one man advantage that the Geese exploited in the early exchanges, enjoying more of the ball and territorial possession. After some neat interchanges on the left hand side between Phil, Simon and Wixo, the Great Eastern goalkeeper was called into action – Phil winding up his left leg and unleashing a couple of shots – the first a 40 yard back pass but the second a 30 volley from a throw in that brushed past the right hand post with the keeper beat all ends up. The chances continued with some channel running by Matt ‘marathon’ Cully who continued his high quality crossing game that contributed to forced saves from a Pete header and a Ced drilled shot.

After 10 minutes of pressure, Great Eastern’s 12th player arrived and immediately entered the action. With another forward in play, they were able to play some channel football – promptly swept up by the solid Wixo and Seagull who had immediately gelled in the centre of defence. Rob Dodd was on hand to clear up behind his latest defensive partnership, not afraid to venture from his area as he sought another clean sheet for the season. From these clearances, Great Eastern were able to apply some pressure with long throws and corners aimed at the advancing large central pairing, however it was no avail with each member of the Geese attacking the ball as if their post match sausage rolls depended on it, Vullo and Wixo winning a host of headers and Sidog emerging from the goalmouth swamp to clear when required.

As Ced and Pete began to take control in the middle of the park, the Geese regained some composure and were duly awarded with their first goal of the day. As the ball came to fireman Phil just inside his own half, a mazy run took him past four Great Eastern players before unselfishly passing inside to Ellerbeck who saw his return pass rebound back into his stride and Lee needed no time at all to drill a fierce drive into the bottom left corner. One nil to the Geese - Tesco were proud.

There was a little time left for Tony ‘the tank’ Vullo to show off with some ball juggling skills in front of his adoring fans before half time was called. At the break the Beard was keen to encourage a similar tempo and work rate, particularly given the fact that the hill and wind was now with us. Linesman Neal stated his belief that the next goal would be the crucial one in this tight affair. Unfortunately, the Geese did the opposite of their Manager's instructions and the first 15 minutes of the second half consisted of a scrappy affair throughout, both sides playing mostly adopting a long ball style that would make Joe Kinnear proud. It paid off for Great Eastern, and after their late arrival had finished moaning at the referee, he found time to take a long ball down, flick it over the Geese defence and smack a 25 yard shot against the underside of the Geese bar. The reprieve didn't last, with the rebound finished by Great Eastern's second striker. 1-1, scary times.

With no options on the bench to turn to, the Beard used all of his motivational words of wisdom from the touchline and gradually the Geese began to turn the tide. With Paul's influence on pressing and winning the ball, some neat football was played on both wings with Simon and Matt getting in behind and causing a number of problems for the opposition. As another Geese wave was cleared for a throw on the right, Matt - Rory (not the Goose) - Cully stepped up. He summoned all his strength and released a jet propelled missile into Great Eastern area, and after some fumbling around Simon ‘boobilicious’ Hoy managed to get his shot off, and as the keeper parrid, Lee was on hand to drill his second of the game. 2-1 to the Geese but no time for celebrating as the Geese immediately attacked down the right wing. A huffing and puffing left back was only able to clear for the throw, and as Matt lit the fuse on another goose friendly firework and threw it in the direction of the Great Eastern goal, there was some more fumbling before Paul ‘skipper’ Simpson rifled in his first and the Geese’s third.

Before the fans had a chance to draw breath, the Geese were at it again – kicking it at the shins of the Great Eastern left back to force yet another throw. Matt ‘now there’s a thought’ Cully was now producing missiles by the dozen and his 3rd in five minutes was met by a powerful Lee header, taking direction from the hairy hat trick hero into the top right hand corner.

4-1 to the Geese, the fans were happy, the team were on a high and the Beard immediately went about looking to enforce the Geese midfield. The Geese were in heaven and as captain Paul Simpson looked up into the sky, in a jubilant but slow manner, satisfaction stretched across his smile, the sky glistened and a wave of angelic geese flew over to salute their soldiers below. To consolidate the lead, Roman Ced moved to left back which allowed Phil to join Paul in the centre of midfield – a move that Paul was delighted with having demanded that the management team let him do some more running. The change in formation brought no respite for Great Eastern who managed to prevent further heartache despite Pete’s late dribble and shot and another Phil ‘lefty’ Baker special that crashed against the bar.

As the referee blew for full time the Geese reflected on a valuable three points – the second consecutive three points earnt with a bare eleven. A solid performance topped off with five minutes of fireworks meant that the Geese had a sparkle to their Sunday evening – going top of Division One following a for the first time this season, following a Fred Beer results update. Whilst the Geese are progressing well in the league, they will now dedicate the next three weeks on their three different cup campaigns. Hopefully the return of some missing players can help the Geese continue their winning ways.