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The recent bout of malicious weather resulted in some pitch shifting at the familiar nesting place Wormley Playing Fields. This meant that the Geese and their umbrella clad army had to flock a few miles up the road and perch at Waltham Cross Playing Fields. Today was Cup Day, Super Sunday, Roy Bailey Challenge Cup 2nd Round Day and the magic of the cup conjured up a match between local heroes Turnford Geese FC and the un-defeated Premier League outfit Larsens.

Mercury Manager of the month Sir Paul Cully and Karaoke King side kick Tony “Smooth Operator” Cedrone had to pick the team without the likes of Bruiser Batesy, Si-Dog of Hoy Juiceville and Andy Penguino still with a big question mark over his bad back. Penguino Perry’s injury fears are growing frustrating, possibly even paranoid, his main worry is that he may evolve into the infamous “Question Mark Man” of the Old Pond area, with a walking stick in hand, and decrepit body shaped into a question mark with his arched back. Also missing for the tie was the ladies favorite Matt Hully, whose loan deal with the Geese had expired and returned north to play in the Hot Pot Select Corinthians League with Gravy Land Warriors FC.

Myself and the rest of the Perry gang arrived pitch side a few minutes before kick off still buzzing from the glory of finishing a respectable 5th place in the Turnford Geese Quiz night superbly put together by Neal Dodd and Tony Vullo. The first thing that I noticed upon arriving at the ground was what looked like a burger stall beside the road behind Rob Dodd’s goal, but before I ventured off to sell Tony Perry’s car and use the cash on a selection of rat-grilled delights I noticed that “Kit-Kat” the Larsens heavy weight striker had already beat me to it and the owner was already shutting up shop having made enough cash from the big lad to not have to work for another 7 years.

Looking at the Larsens side as they went through their complex warm up routine the shapes and sizes of a few of the motley crew would have not have looked out of place staring in Police Academy 3 – Back in Training. And then onto kickoff - the Geese lined up with Rob Dodd in goal, a back 4 selection of Dave Armstrong, Chris Wicks, skipper Neal Dodd and Tony Vullo. In midfield we saw Matt Cully, Peter Enefer, Chris Cedrone and Phil Baker. And up top Mr Paul Simpson partnered Lee Ellerbeck, with Paul Cavil the only fit sub available, I was also named as a reserve.

The Geese started the game well and began by knocking the ball around nicely on a pitch that despite all the rain, (a large puddle and a collection of rare fungi on one of the wings) was in pretty good shape. That period of good play was undone when a quick passing move caught the gaggle off guard, High-Tower was put clean through by Tackleberry and placed the ball past Rob Dodd. One nil to Larsens.

The goal against the run of play seemed to knock a bit of confidence out of the lads and they struggled to keep hold of the ball – not long after going one down a long lofted ball from defense beat the Geese off side trap and the lonesome number 7 managed to lob the ball over Rob Dodd’s head - “I think that a few years ago he would have headed the ball clear” said a young shrew watching from the undergrowth.

So the Geese found themselves 2 goals down against Premier League opposition. The second Larsens goal seemed to spark something on the pitch for the Geese, the much loved passing game began to take shape and it took a world class save from Larsens former Israel number 3 goalkeeper to keep the score at 2 nil. He somehow managed to pluck Paul Simpson’s rifle strike from the air and keep the ball out of the net.

The opportunity gave the Geese more confidence and minutes later they managed to half the deficit with a headed goal from Lee Ellerbeck. Good work from Phil down the left flank who had his ball headed back across the face of the goal by Dave Armstrong and there was Lee to nod home from 6 yards. Half time – Turnford Geese 1, Larsens 2. Substitution - Paul Cavill on for Tony Vullo.

As the two teams lined up for the start of the second half I took over from Paul Cully with linesman duties allowing the Beard to work his managerial magic. Larsens made a substitution of their own at half time allowing Kit Kat to have a break and bring on the slightly more athletic looking Jimmy Lloyd-Francis to offer some more up front. Lloyd-Francis almost made an immediate impact when he bundled a floated free kick into the goal after what looked like an infringement on Super Shot Stopper Scatch Man Dodd. It was the linesman’s flag that saved the day as my newly found pet shrew spotted that Lloyd-Francis made his run a tad early and was in an offside position as the ball was played. A slight tug on my tracksuit bottoms from the small mammal (I was told off earlier for calling him a rodent) alerted me and the flag was raised. To the horror of the Larsens fans and the Larsens supporting wildlife the score remained at 2-1.

With the best football coming from the team in orange the Geese started to apply some pressure and most of the play in the second half was in the Larsens half. With around ten minutes remaining on the clock a fantastic half volley from Petey Enefer almost broke the net, the Israeli shot stopper could not get close to it. To the delight of the traveling support the score was 2 apiece.

Extra time was looming and the smell of another half an hour and even possibly dingdongs was in the air. With very little time left the Geese continued to create opportunities the last of which was bundled in from a corner from center half hard man Chris Wicks. And so Magical Cup Sunday came to an end, Turnford Geese victors in an epic Roy Bailey encounter.

At full time touch line reporter Pino Packer caught up with Sammy the Shrew who recited some poetry:
“Glory Glory Wickso” you netted the winner in wet
“Glory Glory Turnford” a match I shall never forget
“Glory Glory Rory” wherever now’s your place
The magic of the cup brings Glory
And memories one can’t misplace.

The 8 game unbeaten run for the Geese came to an end today, in weather conditions that were described by onlookers as 'Armageddon'. Under dark skies, rain not seen since Noah, and a pitch that more resembled soggy porridge, the Geese huffed and puffed, but couldn't blow the three piggy’s house down.

The Saturday night took its toll on some when the troops gathered pre match - Chris 'breathless' Cedrone had got on his very own soapbox on the tube, much to the annoyance of Chris 'Hippo wallowing' Wicks, while Rob 'I cant feel my fingers' Dodd and Neal 'knock knock' Dodd took their very own South London Matt 'why am I here' Hully to the land of the Kebaberie, via Nu Bar. The gleeful look on Mr Kebab when Neal ordered £17 worth of wares will linger long in the memory, a lot longer than it lasted on the plate of Messr's Dodd and Fran, or indeed the stomach.

Clothing decisions were crucial today - Tank busting Vullo had purchased legal white cycling shorts for his own pudding legs, as well as being a good soldier and supplying his captain Dodd with a pair too. In hindsight, Dodd should have been more concerned with looking after his nipples, as they were to cause the boy untold problems, with rumours that the Red Cow's dogs had to lick them better. Ellerbeck opted for a Tetley tea cosy to cover a hairstyle that Leo Sayer would be proud of, but despite his best efforts, the volumizing anti-frizz vidal sassoon rain put paid to the Valderrama mop, and he ended up looking more drowned rat than an 80s dreamer.

Squad news was that the Geese had the luxury of 3 subs - although the usefulness of the subs was diminished when Narnia's icy chill turned all of them to stone, as well as claiming the life of Tony Cedrone's camera. The Perry's and Graham Dodd were visible on the touchline, along with the unmistakeable sight of Dave Enefer's steam driven umbrella peeking out from behind a tree. All wished they had the opposition's tent, but alas they had to make do with fisherman's friends, and warmth provided by the aforementioned 'natural spring'

The Beard took one look at the pitch and the weather conditions, and decided to reshuffle his pack. Wherever possible, he wanted to make use of the Seagull's ability to fly, and so he took young Icarus to one side, and gave him the news he had been hoping for, yes it was true - Rachel had been booted out of the X factor…and he'd also be playing up front. The squad put itself through the pre-match routine, and over in another corner, many players were giving themselves pre-match fitness tests - all decided they couldn't possibly have got themselves out of bed for nothing, so declared themselves fit.

The team talk was simple from the Beard, "please win in 90 minutes as I need to get up the Lane". Many interpreted that as 'if we're losing 1-0, don't think about any last minute equalisers'. Extra time was not an option, especially as the referee announced that he hadn't finished work till 5, and was most likely hoping to get back for some well earned shut eye.

The game started and the early encounters were scrappy, a few jabs here and there, with the early rounds being shaded by the bank managers. A succession of free kicks ensued, and eventually one found the free head of one of the cashiers, and he headed it past Rob Dodd, who wished he had stuck with chips and pitta. Marking was sloppy, and neither Peter, Esmund, Susan or Lucy Pevensie wanted to take the blame. The wardrobe door remained shut until half time, although Neal had a shot blocked on line after a fine cross from Matt Cully, who attributed the good delivery to the fact that he couldn't feel his feet. Mr Cavill felt his leg starting to come loose on the 40 min mark, and was replaced by Aslan Bates, which meant the clipping of wings for the Seagull, as he was sent back to right back, without even passing Go or collecting £200. Other than that, it was a fairly uneventful half, with many of Abbey's goalkeeper missiles landing in Calais and Dunkerque.

At half time, the Beard didn't feel it necessary to remind the troops of his lack of appetite for extra time, but it was well known that the boys needed to turn this round, or die trying. Shopkeeper Perry, despite being Open All Hours, could find little takers for the halftime orange, with players looking instead for any mobile radiators. Alas, all they could find were a soaking pile of bags, and many looked in envy at Vullo's heated thermal bat wings. With one sub on, and Paul Simpson confirming that he hadn't recovered from his training sessions with the Hitman, it wasn't looking good for the Geese when a plethora of players announced they had knocks, tears, niggles and breathing issues. Saving Private Ryan had nothing on this, as the Beard juggled his cards, and threw on a pot of Gravy to replace Phil after about 10 minutes of the second half.

The rain continued to lash down, and one half of the pitch was found to be inhabited with frogs, perch and a toad. Nevertheless, the referee continued to give feedback that the show must go on, referring to a recent showing of We Will Rock You that he'd been to see. Much to their credit, the Geese began to carve out some chances, and Cully went close with a back stick header, before leaning back and dispatching an effort that rose high over the bar, hitting a poor puffin, turning it immediately to stone. Neal then made a crucial block when the bankers had the Geese onion bag clearly in their sights. So it remained 1-0.

Tanker Vullo then hit a purple patch, with his caterpillar traction really coming into effect. His engine was clearly running on full steam, and a couple of marauding runs ensued from the elfin genius. An Italian Lennon some might say. At one point it took 3 branches of barclays to bring this juggernaut down - a most enjoyable hash brown and cheese vullo sandwich. With time running out, Bolero Dodd set the tank off on another run, but the chance faded away. Enefer was finding his rick flair nullified by the porridge, with the standing water proving more of a problem than the defending Northern Rocks.

To try and see out the game, HSBC threw on Timmy Mallett, just before he had to jet out to the celebrity Jungle. Mallett and his pinky perky had many changes to finish the game, but unlike 'Daniel Son' he just couldn't deliver the goods. A late chance at the bankers end also went begging, as a pot of gravy tried to re-inact Lineker's '86 goal - 'Lineker coming onto it nowwwwwwwwwwwwww' - but instead a lucky shoelace prevented the Gravy Train from taking ball, himself and pinky perky into the goal. There was just time for the Seagull to take out his anger on the mallet, before the referee blew for full time. Never have 2 teams been so relieved that it didn't go to extra time, and never will the pitch recover from such a hammering.